Have you been there too?
One moment you feel great about your sobriety and where your life is finally headed. Then traffic jam. A drive by your old school. Fight with family. The next minute you’re angry and resentful. Fists clinched. White knuckling until you can make it to the next one-day-at-a time. After rehab, emotions will come. Here are some effective ways to manage emotions in recovery.
Mood swings and negative emotions are a natural part of early addiction recovery as your body tries to get used to a new life without the substances.
However, if not dealt with, these emotions can challenge the best intentions to get well and quickly lead to relapse. The good news is there are ways to manage them and get back on track.
The Big 4 Emotions in Recovery
The most common emotions during recovery are guilt and shame, anger and resentment, worry, and loneliness. Here’s how to effectively manage emotions in recovery, focusing on each of them.
-
Shame and Guilt
Guilt is characterized by feeling responsible and remorseful for things you did that affected others negatively. Shame on the other hand is highlighted by feeling unworthy, underscoring the belief that you’re naturally flawed.
Shame is particularly powerful and can both encourage and be caused by addiction. In either case, it traps people in addictions, makes recovery difficult, hinders self-acceptance, and asking for help when it’s necessary.
Nonetheless, you can get over shame and guilt through the following ways:
- Identify significant events in your life that may have triggered negative beliefs about yourself
- Seek self-awareness—personal strengths and weaknesses
- Find factors that can take your attention from the addiction—friends, and family or work
- Treat relapses and other mistakes as learning opportunities
- Be determined to seek help even when shame tries to keep you from it
-
Worry
Worry, according to psychologists, is more than just being anxious about a perceived or actual problem. It is a recurring pattern that engages negative thoughts about unaddressed and potentially dangerous issues.
Worry is also more than having one negative thought. It is a prolonged period of negative thinking about issues and involves dwelling on the worst that could happen –for example, ‘What if I fail and lose everything? What will people say?’ etc.
Worrying wastes time and keeps you trapped in scenarios that may never happen. The best way to overcome it is taking one day at a time and if need be, one task at a time.
Staying close to people walking the same path, mentors, sponsors, and helpful family and friends can help you focus on the now –instead of relieving the past or being anxious over the future. This way, you can prevent relapse and develop enough energy to deal with the things that you can.
-
Anger and Resentment
Resentment is one of the four most common causes of addiction relapse. It went on to add that resentment can water down a strong program because ‘anger and resentment have corrosive effects.’
Resentment is born out of holding on to stuff. It is fueled by unhealed hurt that comes from the belief that someone else did something wrong, but you are paying for their wrongdoing.
To deal with these emotions, begin by writing down the names of people or institutions you’re angry with detailing what happened. Most times, you’ll find that your self-worth, finances, goals, and relationships were hurt or threatened by those events.
There’s only one solution here: forgiving and letting go. Holding on to anger and resentment holds you back while the institution or the people you’re resentful toward continue living their lives.
Letting go does not mean negating what happened or the pain it caused –and neither does it excuse the wrongdoing. It’s about releasing you from dwelling on the event and churning in the pain so you can move forward.
Remember, you don’t need to see or speak to the people who hurt you especially if you don’t speak to each other anymore. You only need to make the decision to let go.
-
Loneliness
When there’s a gap between your desire for social connections and your actual experiences of it, it results in a state of distress that health experts call loneliness.
Loneliness can be the cause of addiction and the result of getting on the road to recovery. If you’re new to recovery, you may have had to let go of your friends and kin that trigger you to improve your chances at a full recovery.
However, your well-meaning intentions can invite a deep sense of loneliness. Your closest friend may not even have been a person but alcohol or drugs. Letting go and seeking drug rehab may have ‘robbed’ you of this relationship.
If left unchecked, the loneliness can trigger cravings and make you dwell on what’s wrong with your life. Connect with people who are in recovery to avoid feeling lonely.
Other than that, go to a 12-step immersion group meeting to learn more about emotions and recovery, serve others at community, or neighborhood events where you’re welcome and there are no triggers.
Dealing With Cravings
As you manage your emotions, you also need to manage an overwhelming need to use a substance—otherwise called craving. The easy-to-remember acronym DEADS may be helpful for you to manage cravings successfully. Here’s what it means:
- Delay. The urge to use diminishes within 15 minutes. The delay tactic works by delaying using without denying the possible use in the future and then busying yourself with something else
- Escape. This means planning how to get out of a high-risk situation –for example, leaving a party after finding possible triggers
- Avoid/Accept. Accept that craving is natural and it will diminish with time while avoiding scenarios that fuel it.
- Distract. Immediately push away thoughts that dwell on using by either praying, reading helpful material, or getting in touch with supportive friends and family
- Substitute. Substituting entails doing something else instead of focusing on other activities –biking, leaving the house, etc. -when cravings come
Addiction Help for Men in Austin, Texas
To be clear, we all have to learn how to manage emotions in recovery. But emotional management is not the ultimate solution for addiction. However, it is an important aspect that is often not adequately emphasized. As such, when looking for addiction recovery treatment, the most important thing is to get help. This is the first step. If you or a loved one are looking for addiction treatment in the Austin area, call us today. Our addiction treatment for men is designed to give you the tools to find recovery. Our team can answer your questions and help point you in the right direction.
