Addiction in a Loved One
We feel trapped. When a friend or family member is struggling with addiction, we feel lost, hopeless, and scared. Often, we don’t know where to start or who to talk to or where everything is going.
Another feeling that is more common than you might think is this: we feel guilty.
We somehow feel responsible for what is happening to the person we love. And if we could get in there and fix what we have done, fix ourselves, fix our past, fix our homes, we could make all of this go away.
Part of this feeling comes out of a need for control. Or maybe a loss of control.
Wherever they come from, the guilt, the fear, the blame, these feelings are harmful. They have no power to bring about recovery.
Why? Because it takes the focus away from the real issues. You may need to hear this today: the addiction of your loved one has nothing to do with you. It is not something you can fix today. It is a complex disease with multiple contributing causes and will take some deep effective work. To help you understand your role in this a little better, we will look at the 3 Cs of Al-Anon.
What Is Al-Anon?
Al-Anon is a support group for people affected by an alcoholic friend, partner, or family member. It was founded by Lois Wilson — the wife of Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder. Al-Anon is built on meetings based on the same principles of 12 Steps and has a framework similar to AA.
Al-Anon is non-denominal but spiritual. It encourages members to find a power greater than themselves and promotes the 3 Cs philosophy to help them let go of feelings of guilt and responsibility for their loved one’s drinking.
What Are the 3 Cs of Al-Anon?
When our loved one has an addiction, we are scared.
We don’t know what will happen to them; we don’t feel like they are safe (sometimes, we don’t feel safe ourselves). We seem to have lost any influence even to help the situation. Our loved one once listened to us, talked to us, and cared about us. Now, even their promises seem to disappear as soon as they make them.
The reason for any of this is the disease of addiction. It is not a moral failure or even a failure to fully love and listen to you.
Addiction rewires the brain, and the effects are devastating. There is hope to overcome addiction, but first, you need to stop blaming yourself.
With that in mind, Al-Anon developed the three Cs to help friends and family members of alcoholics accept that they can’t control or cure their loved one’s drinking. The three Cs are:
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First C: We Didn’t Cause It
This aims to combat misplaced feelings of responsibility for their loved one’s drinking problem. As we said before, addiction is a complex disease. The root causes of it are vast. They include environmental issues, genetics, and personal psychology.
But no matter what a person has been exposed to, the disease occurs in the brain. It manifests in a restructure that affects just about every aspect of a person’s life. You did not cause this disease in your loved one. You don’t have that power.
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Second C: We Can’t Control It
There is one thing we know for sure: our control only goes so far. You likely control a lot less than you think you do. Alcoholism or addiction of any kind is beyond your control. Believe it or not, it is beyond the power of the person with the disease. You can’t control sickness or disease. No one can. This lack of control probably makes you feel unsafe. It feels dangerous for you and your loved one.
But the way through this is not to fight it. It’s by accepting it. By acknowledging our limitations and embracing uncertainty, we can become more adaptable. We become a force for potential change in ourselves and our world.
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Third C: We Can’t Cure It
Again. Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases. You cant fix them. Your loved one can’t even do it. So stop trying.
It takes more than just wanting to get better for a person with an addiction to learn how to manage it. It takes clinical, psychological, and medical intervention. You need to focus on your well-being and how you can move forward.
Getting Yourself Help
Having a support system can be a powerful resource for those affected by someone else’s drinking or drug use. It provides a non-judgmental space to talk openly with people with similar experiences. By listening to others who can relate to their struggle, members of Al-Anon can gain insight into their situations. You will recognize the heartache, the fears, and even the hopes and joys. Maybe see the potential for a future.
What Can I Do for a Loved One With an Addiction?
Addiction is a progressive disease that can be impossible for an individual to manage independently. The importance of inpatient alcohol rehab for people with an addiction cannot be underestimated. The best alcohol rehab centers or drug rehabs in Austin will provide a safe and supportive environment with evidence-based addiction treatment.
Even though you did not cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it, you can offer direction for your loved one to get help. Ultimately the decision is theirs, and you have to make space for that.
But you do have your experience and your knowledge. There is hope for your loved one, but you need to take “fixing” it out of your hands.
Please call us today if you want to know how a treatment center like Heartwood Recovery can help. Our team will explain how we work with men with addictions find lasting recovery every day.
